YUCKY!

Well that thing about the bloating getting better...scratch that. Yesterday I woke up and felt miserable. I tried to make myself feel better by going to the pool but it didn't work. I'm back to feeling absolutely MISERABLE. I most likely will not take my butt off of the couch for the remainder of the day. I woke up this morning and felt like I might actually pass out or throw up, one of the two (and don't read into this, it's much too early for that). So because I didn't want to worry my dear husband, I had him call the doctor's office (on a Saturday...and they returned my call within 15 minutes, that's how fabulous they are)! The nurse called in some Tylenol with Codeine to my pharmacy to hopefully provide me some relief. She also tempted me with an appointment on Monday for my beta test, but I turned that down. Peter already took Thursday off and I want him to be there with me.

I was supposed to go to a graduation party today, but I really don't see that happening. So instead, I'll be here, on the couch running out of DVR programs. And I want to be specific about one point: I'm definitely NOT complaining. I was so worried that something was wrong, especially with me, that might affect the peas success of making it. I think I could handle just about any pain if I knew the little peas were safe and snug. We'll find out soon enough...

7 days down, 7 to go...

Well we've reached the halfway point of the 2 week wait. My bloating is finally starting to decrease a little bit each day. My organs are thankful to reclaim the space that is rightfully theirs and I'm thankful to finally feel some relief. I know what your thinking...any pregnancy symptoms? Nope, feel the same as I did last week minus the huge Violet blueberry feeling (you know the scene from Willy Wonka). I have back pain at night when I sleep and that's it.

I've found a few things to distract me such as: 1. planning my sister's bridal shower; 2. working ahead on my grad school assignments; 3. logging on to Facebook at all hours of the day (BTW- I hate FB today, seriously FB, wtf??); 4. catching up on DVR (my favorite). I'm doing well with my positive thinking but am worried next week will be unbearable. I welcome any and ALL distractions from any idle time I may have to think negatively.

Against all odds

Where hope grows, miracles blossom. - Elna Rae

Let that quote set the tone for this awesome news. The doctor's office called today to tell me that our little single embryo that was lagging behind the other two actually made it to the blastocyst stage and is now frozen! The nurse couldn't believe it and she told me if I would have asked about its chances last week she would have told me she was 99% sure it wouldn't survive. So how's that for a miracle??!! Pretty awesome news for the "perfect peas" that are growing in me right now, too!

Lazy pants!

I've been doing well since the embryo transfer, taking it easy and not over-doing it...AT ALL!! Since the transfer, I've been catching up on DVR and not feeling bad about laying around. Besides, the weather has been rainy or unbearably hot so it only makes sense to stay in the A/C and relax!

Today we actually took a walk together with the dog, but Peter walked her because he didn't want her pulling me around. We walked for 30 minutes (not too much) and I feel good. I needed some exercise, I was feeling yucky! And it doesn't help that everything is bloated and huge in my body right now. But on a positive note, I can now go about 2 hours without running urgently to the bathroom. That's an improvement from four days ago.

We are thinking positive and praying often. We put our little peas' picture on the fridge and look at it often. We believe in the power of positive thinking!

Two little peas

These are our perfect 4 cell embryos that were transferred today. Everything went well and now we will just wait. The doctor did tell us that he believes he has isolated the problem due to the low number of eggs that fertilized. He said there is a problem with the egg binding with the sperm. But we're hoping that problem is behind us and it doesn't matter because we believe this cycle will give us a positive result (pun intended).

During the transfer we watched the doctor place our little peas into my uterus and now I can't believe I'm saying this but I am in love with a spot. We've never been this far before so the fact that there could be life inside me is AMAZING. I never thought I'd cry over two spots on the screen, but it's pretty incredible. We also got to keep the little dish that they were made/grown in, as a souvenir. It's definitely going to be a great story to tell our pea (or peas) some day!

Keep praying for us, we have to endure this long wait now!

Happy Birthday???

I received our fertilization report this morning and it was a most unwelcome birthday gift. Of my "8 is great" eggs, only 3 (that's right, less than half) fertilized. And, to add to the disappointment, our transfer was moved up to Wednesday instead of Thursday. And we don't even have the grades for the embryos yet. So after I got off the phone I cried for about an hour and am still feeling very sorry for us. Let's add to that the fact that I am in a great deal of discomfort from yesterday and have more pain now than I did 24 hours ago. I feel like a failure.

After calming myself down and taking a long walk, I did call the nurse because after all, they told me I could call with ANY concerns. My mind was put at ease (a little) when she told me that with low numbers (awesome, we have low numbers) they like to put them back in the uterus sooner because they will do better in me than in the dish. We can only hope that is the case. She said that sometimes there could be a late fertilizer. So it's three, with none to freeze. I'm trying to think positive and that maybe we won't need the frosties, but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So tomorrow we will have our transfer and then we just wait. We need prayers now more than ever.

8 is Great (at least we hope)

Well I'm home from retrieval and everything went well. They were able to retrieve 8 eggs (some of my follicles did not contain an egg), which I cried about and not because I was happy. I'm sure it was some of the effects of the drugs they gave me but I was still slightly disappointed. The nurse and Peter both reassured me that "8 is great!" She told me that 8 is the average that they get and that the quality is more important (there it is again). Right after she said that another woman came out from retrieval and her number was 8 too. So I guess everything will be okay.

I don't remember the procedure very much and am really wondering how in the hell I got myself from the surgical table to my "chariot" as the nurse called it. I'm sure she talked to me and told me what to do but I don't remember at all. All I remember is watching the clouds on the ceiling start moving and then I was done.

I'm recovering at home and getting lots of attention from Peter and my mom. I'm a bit crampy but nothing that my heating pad or Tylenol won't take care of. I'm supposed to start my awesome progesterone suppositories tonight..fun fun! They will call with a fertilization report tomorrow morning. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Twas the night before retrieval

Caption says: "Some days I curse those IVF treatments!"

Tomorrow is retrieval day and I cannot wait to get these things out of me! I cannot sit without feeling uncomfortable. I actually feel like mother hen ready to lay a dozen eggs. The procedure is scheduled for 11:00 a.m. I will attempt to update but with all the sedation combined with a valium might make it impossible for at least the good part of the afternoon. Please say a prayer or two for us, it's out of our hands now and we've done everything we could. Thanks to everyone for your continued support!

The best birthday gift of all!

Well I went for another ultrasound and blood work checkup today and everything is continuing to progress. I will officially have my retrieval on Monday, June 15 just one day before my birthday. That really got me thinking that maybe this whole thing is bigger than me, maybe this has been God's plan after all. I mean think how perfect this situation is-I am off for summer break, I have two weeks off from grad school, and I am virtually stress-free. I am very positive and relaxed right now (and if you know me, you know that's very unusual).

So anyway, transfer will be shortly after that depending on how the little embryos develop. My doctor assured me that I have 10-12 follicles already well-developed and this is plenty. But as I now know, it's QUALITY over QUANTITY anyway (man I could apply that to several situations in my life, but that's another subject). But really, do you know how excited I am that I have my last Follistim injection tonight and no shots on Friday and Sunday? And my mood swings are virtually non existent, which makes my husband very happy! So all in all, I would say I am feeling GREAT!

And on a serious note, this really would be the best birthday gift of all...

I just want to warn you...

Well today was my office visit for blood work and an ultrasound. Everything is looking good in there and I have 8 follicles already. "Only 8!" This was my response to my doctor, who said that many more could grow between now and retrieval and really "8 is enough." Now I'm hoping for a few more since we will need some to freeze should this not work as planned (there it is again, cautiously optimistic).
So I have a new injection schedule: 150 IU today, 225 IU tomorrow, 150 IU Wednesday and another lovely office visit complete with blood work and ultrasound on Thursday morning. As my RE is leaving the room he said, "Now I want to warn you, your retrieval could be this weekend but no later than Monday." What is he warning me for? Now I'm concerned and should I be nervous, too? Maybe he was just saying that for planning purposes, or maybe he just wanted to "warn me" that my weekend will be miserable...who knows??!

Would you like to supersize your order?

Well the first injection has been completed and I must say that it was not a big deal. I wasn't really worried from the get go but decided to watch the administration video about three times just to make sure I was educated. The hardest part was loading the damn pen and screwing in the needle and then getting the needle to bubble with a drop of the medicine. Anyway, I will continue this until told to stop or until I burst, whichever comes first! I will become the supersize fries! I have an ultrasound scheduled for Monday 6/8.

On a side note, I am prepping myself for a baby shower this weekend. It's not that I'm not happy for the couple, I am, but it still hard to minimize my feelings. Apparently the Bodenstein side of the family has no problems with infertility (well, except for me-how lucky am I?). And the hardest part is that some of my family members just don't understand this still...and how could they be expected to, it's not like they had any problems getting pregnant. I'm actually still getting "advice" from some of them, such as: plan a trip, go on a diet, put my legs up in the air, get drunk, etc. etc....STUPID! We've been trying for two years, don't they think we've done ALL of that and more already!? So anyway, it's not really the baby shower I'm dreading, it's all the insensitive advice and questions. I know they are trying to express their care and concern, but really?

Once Upon A Time...

Well this isn't really related but a friend sent it to me. Well I guess it is kind of on-topic since fertility drugs could make me a little like Snow White! But anyway, it reminds me of the happiness I get from visiting Disney World, which I will be doing soon with my sister, her fiancee, and my husband (and hopefully my mom)! Planning the trip is distracting me from my mood swings! We're hoping to respond to this question: "What are you celebrating?" with a resounding "Our Anniversary and first child." But again, this blog post (and IVF cycle) is sponsored by: CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC!
Sure, there are screaming, bratty, spoiled children there and it really gets me thinking that anyone of child-bearing age could use the "Happiest Place on Earth" as a form of birth control! But alas, something keeps me coming back every time and it really is my happy place. It's actually kind of sick how obsessed I am with Mickey. Can't wait to pass that obsession on...

Beware: Follistim Injections Ahead!

Newbie!

I'm new to all of this blogging stuff so whoever is reading this might just want to bear that in mind. I was prompted by someone who is also sharing in this "infertility journey" that I have found myself on. Sometimes I can't believe that I am only 27 (soon to be 28) and have found myself in need of help in this area.

So our story is that we have been trying to conceive for about 2 years now. We had no luck in the first year and went to my OBGYN. Don't get me wrong, I really like her but this was way out of her league and that was clear to me after the first month. She put me on Clomid for three months, all unsuccessful. Well we finally found out that Clomid was working against me. After seeing a fertility specialist we tried four rounds of IUI, all unsuccessful. Meanwhile, all under a random and weak diagnosis of "maybe PCOS." What's that all about anyway? I have this diagnosis, as my doctor puts it, "for insurance purposes only." So basically they don't know what the hell is wrong with me!

So the journey into IVF begins...as our most successful option. Better be sucessful at what it's costing us! I have more pill bottles and needles than I care to admit. My house could double as a pharmacy! I was on birth control for 3 weeks beginning 5/4/09 and began Lupron to supress my system (forcing early menopause-lucky me!) on 5/18/09. Just finishing all that good stuff and waiting to start the Follistim on Thursday 6/4/09. Can't wait to increase the size of my ovaries from a walnut to a lime (or larger). If my husband wasn't already sick of my rampant mood swings, I'm sure that will do it!